Pick Me!

In most cases, it's the anticipation that is the most fun. Recently, I had three interviews for a job that I convinced myself would be great. In the anticipation stage, I pictured myself driving to this business every day. I pictured myself eating lunch with the potential co-workers. I knew what pictures would hang in my cubicle.

This is kind of the specialty around here. As frequent movers, my husband and I would hear whispers of an opportunity in his field, and we'd get whimsical about making that new place our home. We'd turn to Craigslist to search for rentals, and fall into internet holes exploring neighborhoods and quirks of the various towns.

Is this weird? It's actually a bit of a hobby in our home. If it's weird, I am kidding. We totally don't do that.

Ahem.

So, this company is huge and the hiring timeline is foggy. I was holding out for this until I was offered a (not exciting, albeit paying) position at a different company. The anticipation had to end.

I e-mailed the recruiter I had been working with and asked the status, letting her know another opportunity had come up. She told me to go for it. Turns out, another candidate would drive to the business every day, would eat lunch with the co-workers, and would hang pictures of my husband and dog in her cubicle.

That information hurt. It's a blow to the ego to be told someone else was chosen over me. This type-A would prefer to be the first chosen for kickball, the debate team, bee-keeping class. Whatever. I don't care. Just pick me. And like me.

But rising up under my ego's black eye is a feeling I wasn't quite expecting. It's relief.

Truth be told, that job wasn't the dream job I created in the anticipation phase. It would have been boring, and I would have settled into it for longer than I should have. Nevertheless, the rejection stings, and the perception shift from the perfection I created in my mind, to the reality of taking the less exciting job is stark.

But that aside, I'm excited. I accepted this job with no preconceptions that it should be a dream job. It'll allow me to collect a paycheck, without forcing myself to make this a career. I can investigate what I love under the guise of hobbies or volunteer work. If everything turned out the way I had anticipated just last week, the horizon wouldn't be so exciting.

That's the thing about anticipation. There's no accounting for reality.