Conflicted

I like to consider myself the consummate Devil's Advocate. I pride myself in seeing and empathizing with (mostly) any side to (mostly) any situation. Which is why I'm saddened and horrified and kind of get it when it comes to this story.

I saw this story yesterday on The Huffington Post, and can't get it out of my head.

There's no doubt that bullying is an epidemic in this country. Kids have always been assholes (not all of them of course, but certainly you know one or two), and with the sheer quantity of information available these days, we all have increased access to how hard it is to be on the receiving end of the asshol-y kid in school.

We're now all aware that those who were bullied as children were not experiencing a one-off situation. Growing up prior to this information age just prevented us all from realizing the scope of this issue. Unfortunately, kindness is not a subject on the standardized tests. Perhaps if it was, we'd be able to prove that kids are failing.

So, back to this haunting, confusing story. To summarize, the subject of this story is a fourteen-year-old girl who was given free plastic surgery after being teased relentlessly at school for having "big ears". The surgery was funded by a non-profit devoted to paying for such a thing. This story states she was teased at school because her ears stuck out, but also received a nose job and some work on her chin--for good measure? I'm not sure the purpose of the latter two "fixes."

The teenager is looking forward to the new school year for (what is likely) the first time ever, and loves her new look. I love that for her. And I went to grade school (in the 90's) with kids who had had their ears pinned back. I remember hearing about this as a child—and not because they had been teased, but because it was just a thing their parents chose for them. So for that reason, I'm not too opposed to the ear pinning. I know it's a thing that kids sometimes get done.

And I love that a fourteen-year-old girl (because who can't feel for a teenager uncomfortable in her own skin) has seemingly found the confidence that is more often than not missing in adolescence. But. BUT, to throw in a nose job and chin reconstruction at fourteen? Because someone made her feel bad about her looks? What is the lesson there? That if people are mean to you, you should totally give in to whatever they don't like about you. And most importantly, if you're prettier than them, you win. The prettiest always wins. Like, duh.

And those bullies? They didn't learn anything here. They will still be mean. If they're no longer mean to the subject of this story, I hope she doesn't forget all the pain they caused her, and befriend them. And I sure hope this non-profit is around for the next victim of these same bullies. Because that kindness that was in short supply? No plastic surgeon can implant that.

Apparently, this girl is required to attend counseling to go along with the surgery, and that seems like a good idea, but I still worry about the long-term effects. Any outsider looking in sees a different side of the story, but I can see her parents' point-of-view. Their daughter is in pain, and hates school, and hates her looks, and maybe hates herself, and here is someone that can help (ssemingly). For free. That would be a hard thing at which to thumb your nose--regardless of its shape and size.

Nothing is easy about being a fourteen-year-old girl. There are a lot of sides to this story. I'm conflicted about it all, but of course, I don't know these people, and no one asked me for my opinion. So I'll agonize from a distance, hope for the best for all involved, and be kinder. Because it's never to late to study up on that.